Friday, January 23, 2009

Swept Away

Every girl loves a bit of romance, right? I know that in life, we tend to remember the times when we have been romanced, by our significant other. My husband is amazing and loves me more than I know, but there is a romance that is deeper and more lovely than even his.

It is my rescuer's romancing me that has swept me away today. It has been awhile since I have been swept away by the beauty and simplicity of my saviour. Mainly because, I have not allowed myself to be vulnerable to him. Being vulnerable is not an easy way to be. I know it sounds weird, but in order to accept the true love that awaits you in your saviour and rescuer, you must be vulnerable, you must let go and you must trust. Those three things are very difficult for me to do. I have come to the point in my life where I do not want to be vulnerable because I might get taken advantage of or hurt by friends, co-workers, etc. I do not like to let go. It means I am not in control. Another character flaw that I possess. Letting go means, nothing more than, just that, letting go. completely. That tends to scare me. Lastly, you must trust. I have come to the point in my life where I trust very very very few people. I think I trusted people at face value so long, gave people the benefit of the doubt and thought everyone was just good that I learned that I got hurt way too easily, way too often. So, I don't trust many people. at all.
Tonight, I found myself driving to Canyon for the first time in about a month. Driving to Canyon generally is nothing special, but tonight I felt like I was being driven. I was along for the ride. My rescuer had come to save the day and restore some of the softness that has left me for some time now. He gently comes to me and reminds me of my worth, my beauty and his undying love for me. After months of fighting and struggling and feeling at a place where I was so hardened and so cold that I could not love people again, I felt a tender hand on my face, gazed into the savior's face and saw pure love. My best friend, my redeemer, my lover, my friend, my King, loving on me, the least of the least. No matter how many friends I see come and go, hard times come and go, and even good times that come and go, his constant, pure, unmatchable love is mine to experience, to soak up, to revel in, to enjoy, to delight in, to rely on, to mourn in, to grieve in and to also celebrate in, find joy in and worship in for the rest of time. He has ordered my steps, but he has shaped my heart. He created the heavens, but mended my torn edges. He is just and mighty, but he romances me with simple music, sun beams and a warm home on a cold night. He deserves more than I could ever give him, but he accepts my tiny, little offerings of praise when I'm all alone in the quiet. He has destroyed nations, and yet he wipes the tears from my cheeks and says, "my love, you're safe with me". What a beautiful place to be, in the arms of the Almighty. No other place on earth is as safe and yet majestic than his embrace. Oh how I long to remain here. Cozy and nestled within ultimate peace and delightful joy. It is worth waiting upon him. It is worth humbling myself to nothing. It is worth the fight and struggle we have with the enemy, for this moment of pure romance with the King of Kings. Don't give up on Him. Cry out for Him. He is mighty to save and gentle with his child. When you find yourself lost in his beauty and his delight, you realize your "problems" are but a tiny spec in the picture of his goodness. How lovely He is.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Day at a Time

So I have had quite a few people ask me in the last week or so if I am happy. I automatically think, "why yes!". BUT, when I stop and think about it, I am not for sure about that. Nick and I are being obedient in every way we can, following God's leading, seeking out what is next for us, and learning to be content in his perfect grace and plan. None the less, that does not mean it is easy. We were seriously contemplating buying a house, but we feel that God has told us to wait on that. I've felt that "settling" has been something I've done career wise right now, but God reminds me that He has me in the right place for the right time. We have dreams of owning our own business, but feel so far from that day that it seems impossible and unreachable. Then God reminds us that all things are in His hands and on his time line. So, we wait. We strive to seek out what God is wanting us to know for this day. For this time. We wait.

I know we will always be waiting on something... for now, we will actively wait upon the Lord for whatever He has for us.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

how long?

Why since you’ve wounded my heart
Don’t You heal it?
Why don’t You heal?
And why since you’ve stolen my heart,
Do you leave it so?
Oh this heart of stone.

Why don’t you carry away my heart
You have stolen and left here broken
Why don’t you carry away my heart
Already taken

Awaken the dawning of a new heart
Where stone begins to bleed
For the arrow of God that runs through me
Leaves me in need
Here in need


How long? How long? How long?

Thursday, January 1, 2009

2009 Here we come!

Generally I don't get all excited about the new year. I don't buy noise makers, or make a long list of resolutions, scream and yell and get all excited, start a new diet, do anything out of the ordinary or whatever.

This year I have been very encouraged by the whole concept of the new year, new ideas, new goals, new experiences and adventures!

There are so many things I am looking forward to in this new year! I am refreshed and I know that the Lord is doing some amazing things in this new year.

I am encouraged that I am in the middle of God's will right now. It is easy to get swayed and serve off to the side. To get distracted by fetishes, people, habits, etc etc Even good things in life can be a roadblock. But, everyday is like a new year. New Mercies are abundant. Thank the Lord!

This new year has much ahead and Nick and I are blessed to have such amazing family, friends and especially our Lord and the union we have in marriage. We are excited to see what God will do in us and in our church family. So much of our lives are poured into things that don't matter and have no eternal value, and this year I know that Nick and I have a heart for serving and doing things that will effect the Kingdom, not just ourselves.

There are opportunities everywhere. My prayer for this new year is that we would be awakened, cleansed, purified, renewed and ready for service. I am working everyday to change old habits, create new habits and better myself, for His purposes.

I hope that your new year is as encouraging and blessed as ours has been! Start by counting your blessings, not being discouraged by what you don't have.

Happy New Year!

Nick and Shaina