Saturday, July 4, 2009

don't know a thing...

I'm not completely sure why I still write on this thing. Ever. No one actually reads it or anything. I am not blogging about getting married, buying a house, having kids, a new amazing job, moving cities, getting a new pet, or a new car or even a raise. No, I'm just writing to get stuff off my chest. Boring, but gosh, there sure is a lot right now. Its built up over the course of the last few months. People get on my nerves. I'm to the point where sometimes I would rather not associate with so many people because it would allow me to avoid much of the pain i tend to feel these days. I've gotten to where I know better and press on towards relationships and trying so that I will not clam up in my home and never come out.
People change. a lot. all the time. it is a good thing, but people go about it in the wrong way sometimes. well, a lot of the time. either way, we all need change. Why is it that people don't know how to change and still be aware of others around them. Why is it that in the midst of GOOD change, people think it is BAD and ASSUME things about people that aren't true.
I'm tired of feeling pulled in all directions. Like these people, don't like these, go to this church, don't go to that one, do this with your life, don't do that, have kids now, wait to have kids for then, buy a house now, don't wait any longer, no wait until you're ready. gosh. I'm just tired. I'm tired of everyone around me thinking they know me and what is best for me. I sound like I am 18 and barely out of high school, rebelling against my parents and needing to go drive for a thousand miles in one direction.
I don't care where you go to church, what you do for a living or who you call your friends. I'm doing my best everyday, to be my best for the Lord and to trust that He is guiding Nick and myself into his plan for us. Please don't try to get in the way of that.
Nick and I will buy a house when God leads us to one. We will have children when he is ready to bless our socks off. We will own our own business when he says, JUMP, I've got you! AND, we will always be content and satisfied with the life God gives us because without Him, we would be miserable.
I don't know why people think after a few months of time, things just go back to normal. I don't understand why people hold grudges. I don't get that fact that people think they are better than others. I wish I knew why college girls fight all the time. I have never understood why pastors think they have to please everyone and I sure as heck don't know why I do some of the things I do for the people I do, BUT, without all of that misunderstanding, confusion and questioning, I am coming to realize that God was not lying when he spoke through his Word saying, "he holds all things together". His purpose prevails even amidst people's grudges and egos.

I just talked to my best friend. somehow, she makes things make sense.