Monday, December 19, 2011

let it snow

I am enjoying the snow, as I sit here in the cozy house...thinking about how I have to get out and go work for a few hours in a little bit. But, once I get home tonight, I will be inside until wednesday. A whole day to be inside, finish some things for this weekend, baking and projects, get some cleaning done and of course snuggling. The only thing that would make tomorrow better is if we get so much snow that Nick gets to stay home too! :) hehe I'm sure it will just snow a regular amount, nothing too bad. But, at the rate it is coming down now, who knows! Guess we will see! 

So many things have been going thruogh my mind lately, like what gifts I have forgotten, what else I need to make for snack a thons and family gatherings, and all the stuff I have to get done for my friend's wedding next week. whew! The MAIN thing that has been taking up residence in my mind is the fact that I am soooo ready to start a fresh year! Here is my list of my 2012 goals and project ideas! Enjoy?!

Kitchen update!! 
        Paint, new backsplash, paint all hinges and handles, new flooring and shelving.
Utility area update!
         new shelf, artwork, lighting, soap dispenser, and organization. 
Living room!
         keep furniture arrangement, but update decor, get rid of old pieces I don't like, simplify.
         Finish headboard and footboard, find different chest of drawers, clean out closet, buy new sheets                    and possibly a new comforter
Ava's room! 
         Rearrange her furniture, clean out closet, create a play area for her in her room.
Plant a garden! A small vegetable garden in our back yard! We'll see how it goes! 
Put up a clothesline in the backyard as well, to reduce our dryer use in the summer! 

And here is the kicker!!! My huge goal for our house/family, etc is to build a room in our garage as an office/music room!!! I am really hoping that we will be able to tear down some old shelves in the garage and use that area to build a room! Our garage is quite spacious and I think this will be a great addition to the house and the garage. It will open up space for us in the kitchen, to get rid of our "office" in there and we will be able to put nick's drums, the office desk, guitars, amp, art stuff, etc!!
I will want to do a picture diary of it all so stay tuned! 

That is a list of remodels, repairs and updates! My goals for this year are as follows! 
Continue on my health journey! (lost 4 lbs so far)
        Eating within my calories per day, working out every week day

Create and put in place a weekly cleaning schedule for the house so each day I have a few things, not one day a week trying to catch up on everything. Also a monthly schedule of big cleaning projects to keep the house updated and kept. (carpets, curtains, etc)

This whole post is a compilation of very earthly and personally driven almost selfish goals/projects, but I feel that they will improve our home and our family's lifestyle. My spiritual and inward goals will take up whole other post entirely. :) 

much love,

Friday, December 16, 2011

Merciful Rain

Let the Holy Spirit come over you now
As the healing rain falls from the clouds
There is nothing you can do to deserve it
You don't have to earn His love
Let the rain fall from above

Merciful rain falls over the children
Merciful rain falls over the children
Merciful rain falls over the children of God
Over the children of God
Merciful rain falls

See the Holy Dove descending over you now
Feel the Living Water cleansing your soul
In the name of Jesus you have been forgiven
You have been redeemed forever
Fix your eyes on Heaven 

Today has been a whirlwind of crazy, emotion, clumsiness, tears, prayers, frustrations, lack of sleep, a million things going on in my head and finally an enormous and sudden smack on the face to focus me again. Thank you Lord?? 
2:34am- Ava wakes up....(she has been sleeping so well for months, so this was odd) I get up and try to console her and put her back to sleep.
3:00am - she's back to whining and I respond to her and try again to get her to go back to sleep. 
3:16am- I finally give up and take us both to the recliner in the living room and go to sleep with her there. 
8:00am- wake up and get her changed, fed.
9:30- Ava goes down for a nap. yay!!! hurry up and get a 10 min workout in (they are amazing by the way Check it out!! Christian wellness and fitness! 
9:45- Ava wakes up. At least I got a work out in. I rush to at least try to wash my hair and dry it.
10:15am - with freshly styled hair, even though Ava has been demanding my attention, I finally get her, pick her up, hold her and she calms down for a bit. Then she just starts to get fussy and nothing really gets her to get back to her happy self. I had already felt tired, cranky, and frustrated and now I could feel myself getting an attitude. Terrible of me, but true. I was frustrated and just wanted Ava to be her happy self so I could get at least a few things knocked off of my list, ever growing one at that, of things to do, accomplished. So, I let her play on the floor for a little while, before you know it, she's upset again. Ok I pick her up again and entertain myself for a moment by getting on Facebook on my phone. I had an update on our church page about our sweet friends The Taylors. William is there son and he is 4. He has a brain aneurysm and is in Dallas right now. Things are very serious and could take a very rapid turn in either good or bad direction. All of a sudden I realize. Shaina, what are you thinking? Where is your heart? What is your focus? What is your purpose this day? Is it to finish a list? Is your goal to accomplish a few chores so that  you can somehow feel better about yourself? Is your goal to make sure Ava is attended to, just so she won't be cranky? Are you being a mother of grace and patience? OR are you being wasteful of your time with your 6 month old? Why would you waste precious time being selfish and frustrated with your baby girl (and yourself for that matter) when there are precious people on their faces for their son's life. Get a grip Shaina. Be humbled and hold your baby tight. Pray for William, his mom Jenny and dad Roland, his three older brothers. Pray pray pray. 
Nick got home and I quickly ran to the store while he was here to watch Ava for a minute. I quickly got back and updated him on william and the situation. He leaves to go back to work and I start getting the things in the kitchen done (ava had fallen asleep again when I got back) As soon as I started getting things done in the kitchen, she wakes up. I felt frustrated and interrupted again. Really shaina? Didn't we just have this talk, you and me, the Lord says to me. Yes, we did. So I pick her up, hold her tight, and we play for a bit. She starts to act tired again and so I change her and get her to sleep for her afternoon nap. She's sleeping sweetly right now, in her crib, and I got some things accomplished. God knows my heart. 
He knows my humanity fails me often. He knows that my desire is to be His, to be a faithful, healthy, wife and mother. He knows I struggle with busy-ness and lists. He even knows that deep down I want to sit and snuggle all day with Ava, but it's not always possible. He knows that I ache inside for Jenny, as a mom, I can't imagine watching my baby hurt and struggle to get well and not get any closer to being well. 

All of that rambling to say...I NEED Christ. I NEED his mercy. I NEED his grace. constantly. every minute. I try so hard to do things on my own, even after having a very blunt reminder this morning from my sweet Jesus. I cannot breathe without Christ. I cannot function at all, much less, abundantly and wholly without Him. His being, his person, his essence. 
Forgive me Father for being so selfish. so wrong. so disobedient. Help me to live in your mercy, walk in your grace and serve you, my husband and my sweet baby as you serve me. 

blessings all,

p.s. please please please be in prayer for William and his family. Go to facebook and search prayers for william for updates. Thanks! 

Sunday, December 4, 2011


Sometimes I drive too fast
Sometimes I risk it all
Sometimes I'm reckless
And act like I'm made of steel
But I'm just flesh and bones
A product of the Fall
Still I have purpose
And this I know to be real

Life is precious, life is sweet
Like the earth beneath my feet
Though I know I'm passing through
I know I belong to You
Life is precious, life is sweet
And this truth makes it complete
Knowing Jesus died for me
Life is precious
Life is precious, life is sweet

I can't see past myself
When I get depressed
I take for granted
This life You've given me
There are a million ways
I've been so richly blessed
I can't imagine
Not being able to see

And this life I live in the body
I live by faith in the One
Who gave Himself for me

That is a really old song that I remember singing in youth choir, a million years ago. There was a sweet boy, that I didn't know well at all, but we share an Uncle and and Aunt. My Uncle Brad (on my mom's side) has a brother and his family that live in Odessa. They have 3 children. 2 girls and 1 boy. Carson, the middle and the only boy, took his life this weekend. It was a complete shock to his family. I had met Carson once, when he was tiny, and did not know him really, especially in the last few years of becoming a teenager, learning to drive, getting a first job, etc. I cannot imagine how much sorrow is filling his parent's heart. Just overhearing my aunt talking to my mother when she called was enough to make my heart cringe and my mind fill with the "what if's". What if someone new he was hurting? Did he know he was hurting? Was he getting any help? Was he being bullied? He was an avid hunter, as far as I know and was well aware of gun safety. I cannot fathom the hurt and pain he must have been going through to get to the point he did. I hurt for his parents as they will forever question and wonder about what led their precious son to end his life. My heart and my prayers go to them. I cannot get them off my mind. I know the Holy Spirit is praying for them with words that I cannot express.

Today has been an interesting, but good day. :) Church was a wonderful time of worship, fellowship and Dale shared a message that spoke straight to my heart. Faith is obedient. Period. Always. The mountain I'm facing is still a mountain, but the faith and power I feel inside to climb it is bigger and ready to go. Thank you Dale for being obedient to share the Word, the wisdom God has poured over you and for being real with us. After church, we came home and had home made chicken soup and then Nick got to working on our main bathroom toilet. I know you're jealous. I won't go into unnecessary details, just know that I am so thankful and proud of my husband for being "handy manny" and saving us money by doing it himself, even through the turmoil and frustration of it. ha! We have had a nice snuggly evening by the fire, watching a movie and enjoying the quietness (besides the occasional, ba ba ba, from ava). Life is precious. Life is sweet.