I can never think of titles it seems, until after I have sat and written. Yesterday was rough. I had no extra energy...in fact I really didn't have the energy for regular day to day activities. I was hot. I mean, I understand being hot in the summer, but this 100+ degree day, running around town, 26 weeks pregnant and carrying and chasing around a 1 yr old about did me in. At one point I just wanted to bury my head in my hands, cry a lot and give up....but, that is not possible at this point. I don't get to give up and have a pitty party because I have responsibilities to maintain for our home, my husband, for Ava and ultimately right now for Noah and I together. I mean, I try to give myself the means to rest and not over-do it during the day, but emotionally I cannot muddle in my weariness or my lack of energy. I have to grab hold of Jesus, gain strength and power from Him and keep going.
So, today I take a deep breath, prepare for 100+ degree weather, work on household chores and things, organize my calendar as I prepare for the next ft worth trip, put up clothes, wash clothes, wash dishes, play with Ava, pay bills, pick up junk that somehow just appears everywhere...haha and I
"just keep swimming" as Dori from Finding Nemo puts it. oh and then go to work from 7-11 tonight.
Being a mom is an automatic accountability partner in so many ways and I'm thankful for that. I have become more disciplined than I ever thought i could be, I have been able to lay down my wants and needs for Ava's and now Noah's more so than I thought possible, I have also grown space in my heart I didn't know was there, for the love and care I have for them. I know all you mommies out there understand. I feel that the last year has been the hardest and yet most rewarding year of my life and I look ahead and just can't imagine how I could have a harder year ahead, but I know the Lord is preparing the way.
A voice of one calling:
“In the wilderness prepare
the way for the Lord[a];
make straight in the desert
a highway for our God.[b]
4 Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
5 And the glory of the Lord will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”
Isaiah 40 has been a huge passage for me lately. I have been shown on multiple occasions in different settings, from the Lord, in Isaiah 40, words of encouragement, words of conviction and words of power. I know this road we are on is not easy and he didn't say it would be. The next year of surgeries, appts, trips to ft worth, keeping Ava and Noah both healthy and well, not being out and about as much, being the parent of a baby with a heart condition, etc will be HARD. It's going to be the hardest thing we've ever done at times and yet overall it will be the best thing that has ever happened to us. First of all because Noah is a miracle and God can still do miracles and will do miracles in his life. Second because our family unit is covered by so much prayer and love and support and I know we will make it and beyond making it, we will thrive. Third, God IS and all is well. Thanks DadT. Still don't like that statement sometimes because I want answers and explinations, but I still latch on to the wisdom of it because it makes it all make sense in His way. not mine.
Guess that is all today. I have to really get back to playing catch up on the house. :(
thanks for prayers. no new updates yet. Just an appt with my regular obgyn tomorrow here in amarillo.