I've been posting a lot more often because I have been thinking, way more often. I just can't help but think constantly about how long we will be in ft worth, how will Noah do during/after even before surgery? What does his recovery look like? What kind of struggles will he have and what victories will he surpise us with daily? My mind is way too small to hold all these questions and I suppose one way I try to release my mind of them all is to write it down. Seems to help for a few days. Then I'll write more.
I read some more about the 3 surgeries Noah will have and how they have become quite routine and perfected in the last 20+ years, but they are still open heart surgeries and have such risks. I know my God is bigger than heart surgery. He has formed Noah, completely the way he wants him and will continue to form his heart before he's born, into a wonderfully working heart, or he will use surgeons to correct it. I trust that. I just get weary of knowing that my tiny little one will have to endure more in the first week of life than I have in 27 years. Yikes. God sure does have plans for him.
I try to be positive and be honest about all of this, yet there are just days when all I can say is....this sucks.
Guess prayers are needed today more than some. I just want him to be healthy and whole. I want my mind to stop replaying all the hows, what ifs and whens.