So, I knew that Ava and I both would need to adjust to life here for the next few weeks and I knew it would take some time and effort out of both of us. I didn't realize just how emotionally draining it would be on me, as a mommy. Not just as a person, being away from home, husband, normalcy, schedule, my own bed, bathroom, familiarity, church family, etc. But, as a mommy, it is SO hard to see your child struggle to "be ok". Ava has done well and today has been our best day yet. Much less fit throwing and whining and more laughing, eating better, nap taking, and general obedience. It has been a blessing to see her flourish in the last day or so as she is realizing that life is different right now and that doesn't mean it is bad. I feel that I've done some of the same growing. I've learned that laughing and letting things go (mainly ava stuff) is ok and that it lightens my load when I let it go, laughing is in general good for all, eating better(healthier for me generally) is always good, naps are our friends, and obedience to my Father is key to this whole thing, even when I don't understand, want to comply or wonder what will come out of any of it. God knows, we just simply have to obey. When we obey, that means we trust that what he has for us is better than what we have for ourselves, even if we don't like it. So, as I've learned these little lessons the last few days, I've been freed from a lot of anxiety and lack of self confidence because I am trying to allow the important things to be important and the not so important things be at the bottom. So what if Ava strings out all of my clothes from my suitcase...I napped for 30 minutes without realizing it and she is not hurt, nothing got broken and she was occupied. haha! That really happened today. :) clothes are easy to put back into a suitcase. Keeping her occupied is not. haha! I've let go of the "what will this do to her" stuff, like if I put her in my bed at 2 am because she is awake and won't go back to bed without screaming etc. She is having to sleep in a pack and play...not my first choice for sure, it is not normal for her and out of these 2 weeks of our life, I don't think a couple of times in bed with me will be hurtful to her health or well being. In fact, we have both needed the snuggles and love of each other many times the last few days. I've held her for naps more these last few days too, mainly because she will take a nap for me, when I hold her, because she is in such a new place and new schedule. I realized that these times are precious, with her being where she wants me to hold her and rock her, she is my only child able for me to hold and rock right now, after the c-section I won't be able to for a little while, etc. God is teaching me to let go of all the things I think are so right, so important and are so by the book and just let things happen as they come. We are in a place in life that we have to be flexible and it is ok to find a new normal right now. That lesson alone has been huge for both myself and in turn, Ava. Thank you Lord, Nick, Mom and the graciousness of our hosts Stacey and Kevin. (such grace has been extended to both ava and I as we have adjusted, thank you!)
So, Ava and I have enjoyed some outings lately....we made it to Jack in the Box (for hubby haha) and walmart. We took a trip to Hobby Lobby and Baskin Robbins and today we went to the mall and Ava had a good time playing on the kid's play area, I found her some shirts, and noah and her both some Cowboys gear. :) I got to eat some chinese food (nick doesn't always go for that, so I eat it mainly when he is gone) haha. Ava and I shared a soft pretzel, we both napped when we got home and then she got to go play at church tonight and I got to play by taking a hot bath, getting our laundry done, picking up our room and having some quiet time. :) Ava and mommy are both happy girls. She is sleeping hard right now and I am going to wrap this up so I can get some sleep. Maybe she'll stay down the whole night. Looks like we might have to make a park run tomorrow since it will be only in the 80's here. (I know you guys in amarillo are getting low 60's) jealous!!!!
If y'all would continue to pray for Ava and her adjustments.
Pray for my dr appt on Friday- regular appt, but just praying that noah is growing big and looking good.
Delivery day is sept 24th still. Praying for a smooth c-section, and a smooth recovery for myself so that I can be all I need to be for Noah.
This is going to sound really weird, but the women who read this and pray can understand....pray for my milk supply to stay constant and enough for noah. I will be pumping and he won't be breastfeeding directly but when he starts eating after he is out of surgery and off of the ventilator, he can have my milk and I would be so blessed to know that I can provide for him for quite awhile. They say, sometimes with stress, mommies of those having surgery and stuff can dry up and not provide enough, so they use milk donors for the babies in order for them to still get breast milk...I would just love to be able to provide milk for Noah for a long time. thanks :)
Oh, so Nick is amazing and has transformed our living room floors from yucky carpet to hardwoods. The laminate flooring under our carpet was horrendous but he has gotten the paint and texture off, re stained and coated the floors and they look great according to the pictures! :) what an awesome hubby!! :) we miss him a lot!
pray for his safety as he flies down, next weekend (22nd).
love to all!
thanks to all!