Friday, September 7, 2012

Ft Worth Eve...

Ugh. This week has been both good and bad. I'm exhausted, sore, uncomfortable and can barely keep up with Ava. Add on to that, trying to pack, clean house, laundry, dr appts here, etc etc and Ava won't take a nap to save either of our lives. :( I'm just ready to not be so loaded with "to do's" and I realllllly wish that Ava stay on some sort of schedule with her naps, even in the midst of the craziness, but I know that isn't happening. She realizes something is wrong and doesn't know how to express that other than being clingy, not wanting to "miss out" by sleeping, she fights it all day and then finally gives up at night. I hate that this is taking a toll on her already, but, maybe we'll be relaxed in ft worth and she won't feel the need to not miss out on anything and cry every time I leave the room. :(
I haven't felt like nor I have a cooked a meal in weeks it seems. I feel bad about not keeping up with some of the domestic things I enjoy doing, but I'm just at that point in pregnancy that I could care less about being a cook. Might as well add to the lack of normalcy in all of this. (truly it is not a big deal, but to a stay at home mom on a budget, it can feel like a fail)
I have only laid out a couple of things on my bed, to pack. I have nothing laid out to pack for Ava, nor do I have any of the extra bags ready such as food for her, etc. I just can't get to doing any of it. I'm not sure if it is lack of energy, procrastinating because I think it will prolong our leaving, etc. I'll have to find a way to get it done somehow.
I suppose I'll be done dumping for now. I just feel the battle increasing inside of me as we prepare to leave. Satan is trying his best to get to me and I refuse to surrender to him. I claim the peace and empowerment I've had through Christ. It's my hope and refuge.

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