It's 1:00am. I had to get up to pump. Bleh. Yet, I'm so glad I can do this for Noah, so I press on. :) I couldn't go back to sleep though, so I'm downstairs at the computer desk at the Ronald McDonald House, updating y'all on where we are at and what's been going on...this might be long and hard to follow. Bear with me.
It's raining. Hard. Like, a big thunderstorm with thunder and lightening. Wind too, like at home. It's nice. Thankful for rain to cool things down and refresh them. Of course in Ft. Worth this might just mean lots of humidity tomorrow, no refreshment about that. haha. O well, I'm thankful anyway. The jeep needed a good power wash.
Poor Nick, the first time we have slept in the same room, much less the same bed, in about a week and I wake him up snoring, then I didn't wake up to hear my alarm going off to pump. Ugh. I feel bad. Someday, we'll be back in a routine and I won't be so bothersome at night. He's so sweet about it all though. I'm thankful for a husband who is gracious and patient with me. (with everything) Truly. He has been so amazing through this entire process. He has let me be mad, upset, confused, angry, sad, happy and excited about the smallest things. He calls me beautiful, he misses me being at home. He takes care of Ava so much and so willingly. He's so excited to have her back at home with him starting tomorrow evening. We make a team and that is what marriage is. Honoring the Lord, worshiping him, through our union. Being a team for him is the highest goal of marriage. I think we do a decent job of it. I truly believe that God has so many things in store, not only for our family of 4, but for the two of us. We have gotten to a level of depth lately, by force and by choice, that it is a comfortable settled in feeling. It feels right, it isn't always easy, but it is worth it. We sacrifice when needed and give when it's hard. We go without and we endure large loads as well. I'm thankful to be on team W and to be submitted underneath Nick in all the things God takes us through. I love being Nick's wife.
I also love being Ava's mommy. I dread tomorrow as they drive off. :( I cannot imagine the next few weeks without my silly Ava smiles, her goofy laughs, her saying "hi" to everyone in the hospital. I just cry every time I think about her not being near me. I have not been apart from Ava for longer than overnight since she was born and I am truly needing prayer to stay strong and get through tomorrow without a total breakdown. I feel like such a whimp and yet at the same time, I feel like I've become stronger than ever the last month through all we've been through, why can I not get a grip? Ava will be more than taken care of. Her daddy adores her and will take wonderful care of her each morning and night and during the day she will have wonderful care at home mon-wed with our family friend coming over to watch her and thursday-friday she will get to go play with and be taken care of by another family friend. She will be ok. She will not forget who I am. She will thrive and even grow during the next few weeks that we are apart. God loves my baby and I trust that he has her best interests in mind and she is more than a sparrow to him. She is precious and she will be ok. I have to believe that for myself as well. He loves me, he has my best interests in mind, I will be ok and taken care of and I am not abandoned. I have a lot to learn and grow through this week. I can feel it.
So, the logistics update...
Obviously nick and ava are leaving tomorrow. They are going back with Katrina and James, who came down with nick friday night. My parents are going home as well. Staci went back to N Carolina yesterday. This is our last night at the Ronald McDonald house. I feel that since I will be by myself, we should let a family who needs the space have the room we have been using and I can go back to staying with Stacey and Kevin, (nick's cousin and her husband). It is not too bad of a drive from their house to the hospital, so I think it will work fine. I can go back and forth as I please. I can stay at the hospital if I want, go to their house if I want, etc. I'm so thankful for a place to call "home". God's provision is always steady.
Noah James has had some good days lately. :) We're thankful! He is tolerating my milk well.YAY! He get 2 cc's an hour. He has been off the pacemaker since 7 am and that is great! yay! They continue to go down on certain meds. Some he still needs. He only has one drain left from having 3 post surgery to help drain fluid from his chest. He does not have a central line anymore. His picc line is still doing well in his hand and the other IV changes from foot to hand, depending on the time of day it seems. He got clean bedsheets and a bath after we left tonight. He keeps peeing and pooping well. ha. :) He opened his eyes and had a good time with his daddy tonight. They enjoyed catching up I think. He is getting better with his pacifier each day. I think that is a huge step and will help him to adapt to a bottle later. :) yay!
My concerns today were his swelling. They are pumping a lot of fluid into him by necessity. He has quite a few meds still, the regular iv fluids, fats, calories, etc. They increased his diuretics some to help get the fluid down, time just also helps that. I just ask for extra prayers in this dept because the more he de swells, the easier it will be for him to have the wound vac taken off, the vent to come out, etc. Things will just be better when he can stay less swollen. I love his cheeks, but they have been a little too chubby.
I suppose that is all for now. I might be updating again after the family leaves. Probably need an outlet for all my emotions. :( then again, I might just be crawled up with my blankee in Noah's room, soaking up the quiet and aloneness....I'll play it by ear.
Again, thank you for your love, for keeping up with us, your prayers. My how we have felt the millions of prayers being said for Noah. We are truly humbled, blessed and loved. Praise Him, for he is so good.