I feel like the old dishcloth that lays beside the sink or over the middle part of a 2 section sink. You know what I'm talking about. The ol rag that gets used to wipe up spills, cleans up the counters, gets dropped on the floor, rinsed and rung out and every once in awhile it gets forgotten in the bottom of the sink and gets smelly. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm the smelly rag in the bottom of the sink.
I know, it sounds weird and I'm not sure I can explain this without sounding really crazy. I just feel that I "do my job" well, I'm dependable, decently useful, I try not to whine or complain to much about and if I do complain I try to then find the good in things. I am loyal, hard working, stubborn at times, committed and love deeply.
This season in my life though, I feel like the forgotten rag in the bottom of the sink. Stinky, dried out, useless for it's purpose, and needy. Needy for a washing. Useless for cleaning. Dried out from the lack of usage and stinky from all the grime and yuck it has endured.
Am I making any sense at all? I'll continue for those of you still reading.
I long for the time when I get picked up out of the sink, thrown in the wash and hung to dry in the bright sunshine. Then I will be refreshed, renewed, useful again, clean, warmed and brightened by the Son and ready for the next season. I so desire for that to happen. I'm trying my best to stay calm and try to endure this season of the sink...it is hard. It stinks. For reals. It is not pleasant. It is not fun. I do not enjoy it one bit. I do however have to find ways to keep going until I get picked up out of it. So, as I sit in the sink of trial, pain, frustration, loneliness, struggle, separation from Nick and Ava, disconnect from Noah, longing to be in my own home again, missing my church family, away from friends, family and even just the familiarities of home, etc I can try to look up.
Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you.
if you are pure and upright, even now he will rouse himself on your behalf and restore you to your prosperous state.
So, here I am in the bottom of the sink.... I guess since I enjoy and desire to be in my home, be about the things of my home and serve the people who live in my home, my mind just goes to things of the home to describe this season of life.
In times like these, where I don't know what my purpose is, everything seems dark and I feel forgotten by the one who "uses" me most (uses=loves, adores and cares for), I tend to just function as best I can, try not to over think anything, put big hopes and goals ahead of myself, knowing Noah is taking his time and needs this time to really heal properly, and I try to give myself space to hurt and struggle as well as have joyful days of purpose and hope.
There will come a day when I will realize that I have been picked up out of the sink. Then down the road I will be washed clean of this sorrow and bitterness, even anger and hurt. Later on then, I will be hung out to dry in the warmth of the Son and I will radiate and glow with gladness, and feel ready and useful for service again. What a glorious time that will be.
from the sink,