Tuesday, January 29, 2013


So, my Bible study I started recently out of the book called, Glory Revealed, by David Nasser discusses how God reveals himself in various situations in life, etc. It has been a great study so far. The lesson today was about God "quieting" us with his love.
The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

"quiet you by his love". I always thought this meant, he would calm me by his love. He would silence me in a way that meant, "be quiet for once, hush child, you're fine, calm down" Part of me took comfort in that and then this study helped open my eyes to more than just that view. I want to share with you because I think there is someone out there that can relate. 

Have you ever had a moment in your life that took your breath away? I'm sure some of you can come up with that moment quickly. For me, the moment before I walked down the aisle, the moment Nick yelled out across the OR, she's here! The moment I heard Noah scream across the room and Nick say, "8lbs 2oz". Those moments took my breath away. They quieted me. I had no words (I know, a miracle) haha. Those moments were incredible. There have been smaller moments, like a sunset or a beautiful choir singing, a symphony or the smell of the mountain air. Those things make me speechless too, but there are moments in life when it's big. I've learned recently that those moments that God "quiets" you by his love, aren't always easy or pretty either. Sometimes he quiets you with his love by bringing in peace in the middle of a terrible situation. It was a Sunday, (lots of you know sundays are hard days for us) This one was particularly hard. Noah was hanging on by threads, waiting for surgery the next day. We didn't know if he would make it through the night. Nick and I sat in a booth in the cafeteria and asked each other the hard questions and tried to answer them, as best we could. We never thought we would be discussing the possibility of organ donation or other issues such as those, but we had to face them, in case. The dr's were clear with us that they would let us know when the time came where Noah couldn't handle anything else. That moment never came. Noah went through surgery just fine and today he smiled big. In those deep moments, God quieted me by his love, because even in the darkness of that hour, I had peace. I didn't have words to ask him, I was done begging and pleading, I just sat in the silence of trust. I sat in that booth today and was suddenly quieted again when I was reminded of where we have come in just a few weeks, since that day. Noah is still with us, he is progressing and making strides. He quieted me by reminding me of his goodness. In thankfulness I had to sit and just list the ways he has blessed us, even in the midst of all of this crazy. We have never needed anything during this time, all things have been provided for and for that I am grateful. I am thankful and I am humbled. I am quieted by the love he has showered upon us, even in our deepest time of hurt and need. Such grace. Such love. He lavishes us. Daily. Notice it. Take time to notice it. I realize I have an abundance of time to realize this, look for it and notice it. I know that once I get back home with 2 children, one who needs constant attention and the other a busy toddler who will need to adjust to having a new little one in the house as well as catching up for lost time with mommy, a house to clean, meals to make, laundry to wash, etc. etc. There will be days when it will be harder to notice the love, take time to soak it in and make the effort to dig deeper. I'm finding the more I dig, the more I want. 
Anyway, that's all for now. Just some thinking and sharing. Challenge yourself to think back on times when God has done something so lavish and lovely, beautiful and overwhelmingly amazing that it left you speechless and in awe....He quiets us with his love! :) 

update on Noah:
Noah had another good day. He was riding along at 2 liters of oxygen but needed a little more, so they bumped him up to 3 for a little while. they might go back down to 2 tonight. He is going up on feeds by 2 mls every 12 hours. Once he is at a full feed they will quit TPN and lipids. He is resuming his physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy. Speech therapy is working with him on nippling with a bottle, for feedings. Here is the deal on that and where we need prayers. Noah has never had a the chance to really learn a bottle at all. He is 4 months old. I am not scared or nervous that he can't learn or won't learn. I know he can. It can just be frustrating and as a cardiac baby, he does not have the best cardiac output right now to eat out of a bottle, so it will take time. Here is the process. Right now, he is just simply uncomfortable with a paci in his mouth (he kinda gagged today when I tried to have it in his mouth), so the speech therapist is  just putting her gloved finger in his mouth to help stimulate his mouth, trying to get his tongue to cup her finger and try to suck. He wasn't thrilled about it and kinda gagged but he swallowed his secretions that he developed as he tried to chew on her finger. So, that is a good sign. I'm sure some of you speech therapy friends of mine (robbie, Breann, Amber, Krisite) can relate to this. Anyway, once he starts to accept her finger more and cup her finger with his tongue and try to suck, she will try putting formula on his paci and putting it in his mouth and see what he does. I will continue to be trying to work with him with his paci and using a gloved finger as well, when she is gone. Once he starts to suck again on a paci we will try small amounts of formula in a bottle. slowly. most likely we will have to add some cereal to it to thicken it up, but we just keep trying and adding things to the progress. So, please please please pray over noah and this next step. This is a huge thing. We can get a g button and go home on that, work on bottle feeding at home and do well with it, but it would be amazing if he went home without a g button. Anyway, that is a big deal for us as we begin this process again. He will hopefully get a swallow study done at some point to see how he is swallowing and making sure he is not aspirating. What else...he is doing well with physical therapy and as he gets some more tubes out, I will be able to hold him and work with him more on that as well. 
here are some detailed ways to pray:
for continued progress of the function of his heart
For his oxygen saturations to continue to stay steady as they wean oxygen
for him to need less and less pain medicine
for him to continue to do well on feedings- increasing until he gets to 28mls an hour, then they will adjust and start doing "bolis" feeds. More food in less time. 
for him to do well in therapy, begin to catch up with development
speech therapy- and all that comes with that. sucking, etc. 

thank you all. We are so grateful for all  your prayers and support. Always. 

much love,

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