There is something about having a couple of days of uninterrupted friend time, with delicious food, refreshing conversation and simply being in each other's presence. Text and social media are a blessing in keeping a twelve hour friendship close, but aren't always enough.
Momma talk is fun and I love thinking back to when Ava was a baby and replaying it in my mind, picking out the parts I feel are good nuggets of experience for my friend. It is fun to discuss babies, mommy stuff, stay at home mommy needs and things not to forget or let fall through the cracks when it comes to a momma's heart, needs and the fun things that will always be "her" that she will not want to lose in the long days and nights of motherhood. Remembering to enjoy lipgloss, cute shoes, your favorite candle and indulging in some chocolate when needed (or wanted)! :)
It is something special though, when you can discuss how she will be having a baby boy. She will get to watch her son grow up, take first steps, have a first birthday, get a drivers license and get married. Life is full of excitement and blessing as they begin life with a BOY on the way. All the while, knowing that I am not able to enjoy the things they will with my own boy. There is something profound that comes when a friendship has a core value of Christ with honesty and openness that transcends even the hardship of the death of a child. I have not known anyone, besides my husband that I can be so transparent and honest with and vice versa.
There is something so special about this baby boy. This baby will forever be a symbol of "it will be ok". From the moment I knew this baby was coming, even in the sting of slight jealousy, an overwhelming joy and excitement entered my heart and mind. I love that my best friend is with child. I love that she is having a precious boy and even when it hurts, it's good. Every time that boy hits a new milestone, I will remember God is GOOD. He is holy and he is the God of detail.
I don't know how to be right now. The first anniversary of Noah's death is Saturday. It is coming. It is almost here and I want it to keep being something that is coming not something that has gone. A year goes by and then another one will and another. Time doesn't stop, but in my heart Noah stopped. His life stopped. Everything else keeps going. I realize in the sweetest of moments with Christ though, that Noah's heart stopped for a second and then he entered eternal movement.
So yes. I hurt. I ache. I can hardly breathe. I long for him. I wish I could put him to bed, kiss his head and watch him sleep. I wish I could see him grow into a man. I wish I could know him and what he would have liked, been skilled at, gifted at and cook him his favorite meals, celebrate birthdays and hold him tight. I wish all of those things. I don't wear myself out wishing or wondering why. I have since last year, but less now. I know that nothing changes what happened, but I know that what happened has changed me.
If you were touched by our son and would like to celebrate his first year in heaven. Take a picture of a heart, share what you are thankful for in your life and tag the picture #themightynoah
We would love to hear how God is moving in your life and as you share with everyone, Noah is remembered and God is honored!!!! Join us and celebrate.
My friend and I wrapped up our sweet visit and saying bye to the little man in her womb was like saying hello to the next season of God's goodness and rich blessing.
"It's ok." It always has been. It always will be.
This baby in my best friend's womb is proof that "He makes all things beautiful in His time".
Please share your heart picture, your thankful heart words and tag it "#themightynoah anytime between now and the 22nd.
What a joyful celebration we will have the next few days!!!
Thank you for supporting us in this as always!!